Animals of Shield
by ChandaK562
Summary: Fitzsimmons have a little lab accident involving the senior agents and Director Fury. How badly does Shield need their senior leadership anyway? Humor to help me get over the trauma of Tuesday's episode. I hope you like, and there is no Hydra in this.
1. Chapter 1

"Say it, Ward. Say it!" Skye said as she looked at the agent with a smug look.

Ward felt like crawling under a table. Bad enough that this happened when he was alone with Skye, but Trip was right there, and he was sure to tell John.

"Ward, come on." Skye said. "Say it. It isn't going to kill you."

"You sank my Battleship." John was going to hear about this and get a laugh over it for months. Maybe he could bribe Trip not to tell him? He stood and motioned for the other agent to take his place against Skye while he thought of possible bribes.

But before something could occur to him, Jemma and Fitz were there, panic on their faces.

"What's wrong?" Trip asked.

"Jemma?" Skye said as she looked over the pair. "What's in your bra that I don't think should be in your bra? Because it looks like something's moving in there."

"Oh, my heavens! Agent Sitwell!" One hand darted into her bra and a moment later Jemma pulled out the the furry brown guinea pig with a wince.

"I can't believe you stuck him in your BRA!" Fitz said with a look of total disbelief on his face.

"Well, we couldn't leave him there, could we?" Jemma said as she stroked the little animal's fur. "I was afraid Agent Blake or Agent May or Agent Hand might EAT HIM!"

"Jemma, did you just call that thing Agent Sitwell?" Ward asked.

"It is Agent Sitwell." Jemma said.

"That 084 we were supposed to take a look at? There was a lab accident." Fitz continued.

"There was a…." Trip looked at Ward and Skye and then at the two scientists. "You're saying a lab accident turned Agent Sitwell into a gerbil?"

"A guinea pig. He's a guinea pig." Jemma said.

"Not just Agent Sitwell. All of the senior agents. They stepped in and…."

"I don't work well under pressure! Fitz, you know that situations like that always make me nervous!"

"What happened?" A guinea pig? Ward wasn't sure if he should believe this. How could one senior agent be turned into a guinea pig, never mind all of the senior agents?

"The O84 might have been dropped." Fitz said after a moment. "And it might have gone off when it hit the floor. And the senior agents might have been hit by the effect."

Ward shook his head. "Just show us. And Jemma, find something besides your bra for carrying Agent Sitwell."

"That really is Agent Sitwell?" Skye said as Jemma scurried away to get a carrier from the lab. "Because if it is, and he's heterosexual, he's probably really happy right now. Either that or he's trying to think of what forms he's going to have to fill out for sexual harassment. Being stuffed into someone's bra counts for sexual harassment, right?"

Somehow the five agents, plus the senior agent turned guinea pig made it through the halls of the Hub and to the lab where Fitz and Jemma had been examining the 084 without being stopped.

"Oh, good." They're all still here." I was afraid someone might have opened the door and let them out." Jemma said with a sigh.

Ward didn't know what to say. He just looked around the room in shock. There were two cats, a sleek black furred one, and a fluffy Persian, a rottweiller with one eye, some sort of mixed breed dog, a snow white owl and a peacock.

"The owl's got to be Agent Blake." Skye said.

"Peacock's John." Trip said with a laugh as he watched the peacock, showing off his fine plumage. He pulled out his phone and quickly snapped some photos. His grandma and his cousin Sharon were going to love this!

That left the other dog as Coulson and the two cats as Melinda and Agent Hand. Ward was getting a really bad feeling this was real. "Where's the 084?" He asked Fitzsimmons.

"We might have dropped it?" Simmons said.

"And it might have broke into a million pieces?" Fitz continued as he pointed to the debris on the floor.

"Okay. You turned all of our senior agents into animals, and then you dropped and broke what is probably the only thing that can turn them back?" Skye said.

Fitz and Jemma looked at each other and nodded miserably.

"Okay. So, do we want to flip a coin to decide who's going to call Maria Hill and tell her she just got a big promotion? I call heads." Skye walked over and leaned down to bet Coulson as she spoke. "And I call dibs on Coulson too!"


	2. Chapter 2

Not good. This wasn't good, Ward knew. All of Shield's senior leadership were animals. Not good. When Maria Hill found out about this, that all of the senior agents were now animals thanks to an accident caused by the science babies he was supposed to be taking care of…. She had rated him porcupine on his last personel evaluation. He was afraid to think of what she would rate him as when she found out about this. What animal was lower than porcupine on the job evaluations scale?

The sleek black cat twining around his legs snapped him out of those thoughts, and without thinking he reached down and picked up the feline he was sure was Melinda. There had to be a way to fix this. "Okay. So the 084 is broken. Do the two of you think you could put it back together again?"

Fitz and Jemma looked at each other uncertainly for a moment before Fitz said. "Maybe?"

"We could try." Jemma added.

"Okay, that's what you're going to do then. Get all of the pieces of that thing together so we can get it back to the bus and figure out how to reassemble it."

"I'll help you. Don't want to miss anything." Trip offered as he grabbed a box from a counter to hold the pieces of the broken artifact.

"So, what do we do besides playing jigsaw puzzle with that thing?" Skye asked. "And is this a good time to tell you that I always lost at least ten pieces every time I tried working a jigsaw puzzle and could never figure out what parts were the ocean and what parts were the sky."

As much as he didn't want to, he knew what he needed to do now, call Maria Hill. He winced as he pulled out his phone. This wasn't going to be pleasant.

"Hello." Natasha stopped what she was doing, searching Maria's desk for cookies, in order to pick up the phone. "Agent Hill's office."

"This is Agent Ward. Is Agent Hill available?" Grant asked. "I have a situation that I need to report."

"She's trying to talk to head of the budget department down before he can drop half of our budget into some Salvation Army bell ringer's bucket. And don't ask where he found one of those because it isn't Christmas." And there were the cookies. Not as good as the ones Fury always had in his lunch but they would have to do. "This is Agent Romanoff. Can I help you?"

Agent… Grant paled as the phone slipped from suddenly numb fingers. The Black Widow! He had been talking to the Black Widow! Talking to the Black Widow and he had to deliver the news that all of the senior agents had been turned into animals on his watch. He felt himself starting to hyperventilate at the thought. He was sure that the Black Widow had never had something like this happen while she was in charge and wasn't she a friend of Coulson's? If she found out he was alive and currently a dog….

"Do I need to look for a paper bag for you?" Skye gave Grant a funny look as she picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"This is Agent Romanoff. Who is this?" Natasha demanded as soon as she heard someone on the other end of the phone.

"Skye, no last name. I work with Agent Ward who's kind of busy hyperventilating at the moment. Agent Hill isn't there? Do you know when she'll be back?"

"No idea. It depends on how long it takes to calm the head of the budget department down. Is there something I could help you with?"

"Have you ever thought about adopting a pet? Because we might have a few animals who need good homes soon." Skye said.

"What?" But before she could ask anything else, the door came open and Maria came in.

"Are you eating my cookies?" Maria demanded. "Who's on the phone?"

"Someone named Skye. She works with an Agent Ward." Natasha said as she stood and handed the phone over while brushing cookie crumbs from her fingers.

"Grant Ward?" This couldn't be good if he was calling. "Hello?"

"Hi, is this Agent Hill? This is Skye from Agent Coulson's team." Skye said. Agent Hill knew Coulson was alive, didn't she? She was allowed to say his name, wasn't she?

"The hacker." Maria said. "What do you need?"

"We have a little problem here we thought you ought to know about. Our scientists kind of dropped and 084, and it kind of got activated. And the senior agents and Director Fury kind of got hit by the effects. They're all animals now. Congratulations on your promotion."

"Skye! Give me that!" Ward grabbed the phone. That wasn't how you broke news like this to someone who gave out porcupine ratings! "Agent Hill, this is Agent Ward."

"Agent Ward, was she joking? The senior agents were turned into ANIMALS?" Maria demanded.

"I'm afraid so." Ward winced as he spoke. "Our scientists, Agent Fitz and Agent Simmons, are sure they can reverse the effect but I'm afraid it might take awhile. What do you want us to do until then?"

"All of them? Coulson, Fury, May, Blake, Sitwell, Garrett and Hand? All of them?"

"I'm afraid so. The director and Agent Coulson are dogs, Agent May and Agent Hand are cats, Agent Blake is an owl, Agent Sitwell is a Guinea Pig and Agent Garrett is a peacock."

"They're all adorable if that's any comfort." Skye called from where she had settled on the floor to better pet Coulson.

"Skye…. " but…. "They are cute, Ma'am."

"Okay, but they aren't human. Do you have any idea how long it might be until they can be returned to normal?" Maria asked. Fury and the senior agents were animals. Why had she ever signed up for this job. Things like this never happened to her cousin Robin.

"Fitzsimmons are working on it, but they just started on the problem, so it might be awhile. We're at the Hub. Should we alert someone here?"

"No." The senior leadership were animals. If news of that got out it would be a disaster. "Until your people can return them to normal, your team is in charge of looking after them. I'll think of something to explain to Agent Hand's people and to anyone else who asks where they are. Call me as soon as you have an update." Really, why couldn't these things happen to Robin for a change? Or to anyone who wasn't her?

"What did Agent Hill say?" Jemma said as she looked up from where she was sweeping up 084 debris while Fitz and Trip gathered the larger parts.

"She's going to come up with something to explain where Director Fury and the senior agents are, but until we get them changed back, we're in charge of taking care of them. Which means getting them back to the bus."

"Which means a trip to the pet store, you mean." Skye said. "I've never had a pet before, but if we're going to be taking care of everyone for any length of time, aren't we going to need to get supplies for them?"

The pet store. "Let's worry about the pet store once we get them back to the BUS safely. Fitz, do you, Simmons and Trip have everything from the 084?"

"I hope so." Fitz said as he looked at the box and then at the floor.

"Good. Then let's go." But the second he opened the door, John was off, strutting down the hall, flashing his feathers. "Hey, get back here!" Get them back to the BUS? He was going to be lucky if they could get safely down the hall!


	3. Chapter 3

"John!" Ward hurried after the peacock, who was moving faster than he had thought a peacock could move, when stopping every five seconds to flash his tail feathers. "John, get back here!"

"Did you call that peacock John? You named a peacock after Agent Garrett?" one of Agent Hand's officers said as she looked at him in confusion. And Agent Coulson let his agents keep a pet peacock? She had heard things about him, and if he was letting his people keep a peacock for a pet, she had a feeling the truth was even stranger than the rumors.

"Agent Garrett's very fond of him." Ward said and then he looked around in confusion as he realized that in the few seconds he had been talking the senior agent turned peacock had vanished. "Where did he go?"

"Not sure, but have you seen Agent Hand? There are some reports she needs to sign off on."

"I think she's doing something with the senior agents." Ward wasn't sure what to tell her, not knowing what excuse Agent Hill was going to come up with for where the senior agents were. "I'm sure you'll hear something about her soon. But I've got to find John!" How could he have lost a peacock? It wasn't like they were unnoticeable birds! "John!" He hurried down the hall shouting for him. "John, come on! We've got to go to the BUS! JOHN!"

"You lost him?" Skye said when she caught up several minutes later, Coulson and Fury tagging along at her heels.

"Can peacocks fly?" Ward asked. He had a bad feeling they could. What if John had flapped off somewhere to show off to a wider audience? Not only had the senior agents been turned into animals on his watch, but now he had managed to loose one! And worse, he had lost John! John who had saved him from a fate worse than death and now he had lost him and….

"Do I need to get a paper bag for you?" Skye asked. "You're starting to hyperventilate again."

"I just lost my father. Can you blame me?" Ward muttered. Melinda purred in his arms to try to comfort him, but as upset as he was, he didn't even hear it. How could he have lost John? And what if he got outside? And got hurt? John the human could take care of himself, but he was a peacock now. Who knows what could happen to a peacock on the loose?

"He's got to be in here some place. He was having too much fun flashing his feathers and flirting with Agent Hand's staff." Skye thought of sending the two dogs to hunt the missing peacock down, but the idea of ordering Coulson and Fury around, even though it would be kind of fun, she didn't want to think of what Fury would do for trying something like that when he got turned back into a human. But…. Wait, she had an idea. "John!" That was weird, calling a senior agent by their first name. "We're going to the pet store as soon as everyone's on the BUS! We're going to get peacock supplies! If you don't come back, Victoria's going to be in charge of picking out food for you!"

Hearing Skye call Agent Hand by her first name, definitely strange sounding, but there was a squawk from down the hallway in response and a second later John came hurrying down the hall as fast as his little peacock feet could go, tail flapping behind him.

"Skye, thank you!" Ward glared down at the peacock for a second. Why hadn't he thought of invoking Agent Hand to lure John out of wherever he had got to? "Come on, and stay with me this time, okay? I don't want to lose you! What if something had happened and you had got hurt?"

"You found him. Good!" Jemma looked up and smiled as Skye and Ward came up the BUS ramp with the dogs, peacock and cat. "Fitz did some checking and found the closest pet store that allows animals inside. We probably should take them with us, don't you think? Goodness knows what could happen if we left them alone."

Leave John the Peacock alone and without human supervision. That would be the disaster to end all disasters. Not that letting John into a pet store would be much better but still, maybe they would stock peacock leashes there? "We definitely need to take them."

"Then someone needs to give me a hand with Agent Blake." Trip called from the top of the stairs where he was watching the owl, perched with his head under a wing, trying to nap.

"I'll get him." Skye said. "Hey, Agent Blake?" she called up to the owl. "Better flap down and get in the van! We're heading to the pet store, and don't you want to make sure we get a nice perch for you with little curtains for napping? They make stuff like that for birds, I'm almost sure. Wouldn't you like one of those?"

What the owl would like was to be able to sleep. Or possibly a cup of coffee. He was still Felix Blake, after all. But he let out an indignant hoot as he hopped off of the railing and half fell and half flew on wings that were still awkward into the open door of the van, settling in the back with his head tucked under his wing again.

Skye climbed in, followed by the two dogs and took the seat next to the owl, followed by Fitz and Jemma with the carrier holding Jasper. Victoria the cat leaped in and settled next to Jemma, leaning against her and purring.

"You still have Agent May, right?" Trip asked Ward as he picked up John and settled the peacock into the van next to Victoria before closing the door.

"She's up front." Ward got behind the wheel and looked at the cat tucked into the middle as Trip got in on the shotgun side. Then he glanced into the rear-view mirror. Skye and Fitzsimmons securely belted in. Animals not belted in. Probably not the safest idea but it would have to do until they got to the store. Didn't they make seatbelts for pets? He would just have to drive slowly.

The van had no more than pulled out of the Hub when there was an indignant peacock squawk.

"Sorry!" Jemma called as Ward hit the breaks and the van jerked. "I'm afraid that Agent Garrett's feathers keep bopping poor Agent Hand and she tried to bat them out of her way. Here, precious. You can sit with me." she said as she gathered the cat into her arms and cuddled her up on her lap, next to Jasper. "That's much better right? You are the prettiest kitty, aren't you?"

Could cats smirk? Ward could swear Victoria the cat was but as long as a cat/peacock fight wasn't starting while he was trying to drive, he was going to go with it. Now if they could just get to the store without any other animal disagreements, although it was probably going to take a miracle for that one to happen.


End file.
